Comfy Cozy Too

Lately I’ve been listening to books about ADHD. The more I learn, the more convinced I am that I have this mental disorder, and it explains so much of how I’ve weathered life. In How to ADHD by Jessica McCabe, she fleshes out several areas of struggle for folks with ADHD and offers tools to help. One unexpected area was friendship.

Friendship tends to be difficult for ADHD brains. Difficult to maintain. Difficult to establish. We scare folks with our intensity and oversharing. Or we push people away when we come off uncaring — simply because we’re distracted and not sowing to the relationship in the same way.

When helping readers think through how to find friends, Jessica suggests connecting through a shared hobby, doing an activity you enjoy with others who enjoy it as much as you do. This means you can enjoy each other’s intensity. You can over share about that thing without judgement and you can bypass telling all your business too soon.

I started attending a knitting meet up before reading this book. So reading this part was like a God wink, showing me that he’s with me on this mental health journey, leading me down the right path even without me knowing it.

Crofton Yarnies meets biweekly at a local coffee shop on Saturdays. And last weekend a few us went to the  Maryland Sheep and Wool festival together.

This was a big deal for me and so much fun. I don’t know the last time I went out to something with friends. The most I get these days is a visit or a coffee date. And we catch up and talk about all the deep and heavy things. That’s great.

But I think in the past I assumed this type of connecting fostered closeness. But it doesn’t. Just like confessing your darkest secrets to a priest doesn’t suddenly make you part of his family.

Though ADHD is a disorder. It’s also a gift. And our brains have super powers like transparency and hyperfixations. For too long I leaned on transparency and vulnerability to cultivate friendship. But now I see how my passion for hobbies can help to this end too.

It’s so fun having IRL people to enjoy knitting with. To have plans. And as we gather I see the hope of new friends. But the cool thing is even if these relationships never deepen, the time spent enjoying knitting is still worth it.

I think making friends is challenging for most adults. So even if you don’t have ADHD, I hope this post encourages you to find people who enjoy the things you do and go geek out with them!